Some Real Talk on Depression

In 2001, it was a brave new world on the world wide web, the final frontier. I was in my first year of college when depression hit me hard. So I started searching online for something about Christians and depression. I came across the usual litany of oh so helpful quips about “just needing to pray more” or read the Bible more, or repent of previously unrepented sin, or “just focus on God more” if you JUST do THIS you won’t feel/be depressed because “good” Christians don’t get depressed! Now hopefully in 2015, most people know that is ridiculous. My fear is that there are still desperately hurting people who are only hearing that message.

Thankfully, back in 2001, I also came across a site which explained, from someone's personal experience, that it is indeed possible to be a Christian and struggle with depression. On this site and discussion board I was reminded that we always have hope in Christ, even when we can't seem to see it or feel it. I also realized that I was far from the only one struggling in this way. (There is now a facebook page that has developed from some of the same people behind that website.)

It has become more and more clear to me that I need to write the words I most needed and wanted to read back in 2001. Thankfully there are others doing this now as well. But the passage in Corinthians keeps popping up everywhere reminding me that it really is in my weakness that God’s strength and power and goodness is so wonderfully displayed. It is in my darkness that the light of Jesus shines brightest. I have to write (and speak) the hard things, the vulnerable things, the things I’d rather not talk about. 

So why am I writing this post?

• Because I want you to know you are not alone. 
• I want you to know that Christians do in fact get depressed and sometimes need medicine to help balance things out. 
• I want you to know that none of that makes you less of a Christian. 
• And I want you to get the help that you need.(You don't have to choose between Jesus or medication. Often times, it takes both.)

And I know that when you are in the depths of depression it gets increasingly harder to reach out to get the help you need, but do what you can. Tell at least one person you trust about your struggle. Tell them what you think you need to do to get help, maybe they can help push you to make some phone calls to set up counseling and a doctor's appointment. There have been so many times I have waited longer than I should have to get help and then when I finally did go back to counseling and/or go back on medication, I was kicking myself for not having done so sooner!

As Jamie ("the very worst missionary") said recently, depression is not a scandal. It is a real illness and people are dying because of it. And this is all the more reason why we need to be talking about it. I believe that by talking about it we can chip away at the stigma and hopefully help more people get the help that they need to fight depression.


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Taking A Stand

A friend posted this status on Facebook, and then directly asked me to respond:

“Doing some personal research: What are some things that you have taken a stand for or seen other people take a stand for?”

Here is what I wrote:

My mind goes in a few different directions here:

1. When I was in high school I felt like I was “taking a stand” for my faith in Jesus quite a bit, because I was in the minority as far as my peers and faith were concerned. It even put me at odds with one of my teachers who liked to mock Christianity.

2. Ever since I started struggling with clinical depression and educating myself on it out of necessity, it has become more and more important to me to “take a stand” against bad theology that would try to convince Christians that there is never a need for medication or that a “good Christian” wouldn’t be depressed, etc.

3. More recently as my views/theology have shifted and grown deeper, I have developed a deeper passion to see women using their gifts and I tend to “take a stand” against any system or theology that would try to silence women. (See "I am a Jesus Feminist because, Jesus")

#2 and #3 have something in common though: that is that I want to advocate for these groups of people.
#3 also opens up so much in terms of how women are treated around the world… human trafficking… I am often overwhelmed because I want to help, I want to make a difference, and I don’t even know how, except through raising awareness and supporting people/ministries who are already involved in these types of things…

I suppose I could summarize all of that by saying I am passionate about Jesus and people and therefore I am passionate about good theology that won't harm people! =)

So what about you? What are some things that you have taken a stand for?

the girl i once was

There was a time, a very long time ago, that i did not care what anyone thought:

- about the fact that i preferred playing kickball with the boys over playing four-square with the girls.

- or that i could beat all [ok, most] of the boys at tetherball at church camp.

- that i HATED dresses and pink (and i also hated being called a tomboy as if i wasn't girl enough just because i wanted to play sports and wear pants!)

yes, once upon a time -

I was free to be me, just the way I was.

I also remember the first times I felt like I wasn't enough.
Not good enough, not pretty enough, not girly enough...
(while of course also internalizing the message that i'm "too much"...)

The first time couldn't have been past 1st or 2nd grade, and a little boy pushed me down on the playground and I don't really remember why. But I remember that he was mean to me and said something about how I should just play with the girls.

Isn't that the way it is though? There's always something or someone in this life trying to push us down.

I thank God for the ones who help pull me back up.

I've been living scared my whole life. Afraid of falling. Afraid of failure. Afraid of everything.

But fear does not own me and fear will not rule me any longer.

"Perfect Love casts out fear."

That's what I wish I could tell the girl I once was: That though she will fall hard, there will be so much Love and Grace to pick her back up and tell her she is Loved and she is Worth it.

This is for a link-up with Story Sessions. There are a bunch of other posts on this prompt “The Girls We Once Were.” I’m late to the party, because, well, all the reasons… but never mind that!